postcards from italy

carrying life in a cardboard box

“At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you, and once in a while people may even take your breath away.”
Meredith Grey


sixth day of post-As. post-mad essay regurgitation. post-insomniac nights. post-post secondary education. post-agony. pre-life.

my mailbox is as happening as my empty bank account.

dont think i ever gave you enough credit. but thank you. for helping with my room. for being patient and mature and tolerating my crap. thank you for staying. cos if i were you i would've bailed a long time ago.

still plagued by a million insecurities.. but im shamelessly hanging on. (to/for life)

hahahaa we are so ugly
love you nonetheless! :D

evanwai! :)

yee is over! she is getting macds ha ha.

ok BIG THANK YOU TO EVAN WAI!!!!!!!!
for 3 fun days in a row!

love you!!!!!

v v v v v v v v bad insomnia.

havent started on ariel. but its ok.

12 hours to lit.
15 hours to liberation.

excitingzx!

ok so at the end of the book you'd think maybe, just maybe, suwen did grow.

especially when she finally says something intelligent, like

"art devoid of a sense of history is an abstraction, isnt it?"

but dear emo fictional singaporean woman whom i feel a strange form of affinity for,

if abstraction is the search for pure form, how can history, subjective and fallible, exist within the same constraints as art?

so lets say she did not grow a lot. but i think she's bloody cool cos she painted mark.... de kooning style!


two nights ago.... i think (starting to lose track of time). i overheard two dumb uni undergrads (hypothetically speaking, cos i saw their thick psychology textbooks) musing about THE GREATEST COSMOLOGICAL QUESTION OF ALL:

"what is means ah? is it the means justify the ends or what ah?"

so you see. people who go uni may not be very intelligent after all. consequentialism is like DUUUUUUUH primordial common sense. actually maybe they just need a dictionary.

oh yes THE ENDS WILL JUSTIFY THE MEANS.

or maybe i am just self-deluded.

i actually like mornings. and the only time i like it is when i don't sleep. cos you kinda like get to watch the night transitioning into morning. and cos waking up sucks. when i sleep i feel like i can sleep for ever (esp during this period) and hate it when i have to get up and everything swings into motion in a real slow pace. it sucks facing the day. or the sun. i hate the sun. i havent seen it in ages. yay me a zombie.

im hungry now. what do zombies eat? i wish jl slept over. my room has no floor. the floor is everything but floor. i cant see the floor. i should stop talking about the floor.

i should think about what to eat. and think about how to cram art pieces into my dull head.

plan to sleep by 7. which gives me 4 hours of sleep before i wake up to 2 hours of panicz.

i love afternoon papers. its a pity this one's the last.

can you believe im sad that its going to be over?!!


as kwa would put it most aptly, GEEEEEEZ.

while the whole (science) world celebrates, i am by my pathetic self in a fast-food restaurant...... playing word challenge.

out of 54 artists i am leaving out 7. plus architecture, 10.

cant possibly cross my fingers and write at the same time so i'll just bring a talisman or smthg. seem to have lost the disneyland coin.

pure brains = FAIL

good game deb.

let's not tip over to the edge of ambivalence; i love you too much to remain static.

go live.

Heart of my own heart whatever befall
Still be my vision O Ruler of all

it never crossed my mind that i'd live past sixteen.

but i did.

two years on,
i am fat, delusional, and a complete academic failure.
i even have a fungal infection (self-diagnosed).


but i hope i am at a place where i can finally say
JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!
take it all.

bacon.

second version of triptych 1944

think i have a fungal infection. awesome.

July 19, 2008

(inhale)

where do i begin? my hands hold no order, transfer no look, no grace, cannot contain the red pulse of the heart. only the blue throb over the page; small, drying in ways not mine. i cannot put my finger to the exact date, or time, or reason i first fell. but i did, and only to keep falling into this abyss, while being subsequently wrapped snug around your finger; cold yet safe.

i like the days that begin with your voice whispering past the satellites, past the sleeping children, past the empty streets… and the days that end with the slight tremor of your touch, and a little bit of how you taste like (sweat, musk, and hope). i like the way you laugh at your own jokes, the way you walk like the whole world is watching. i like spending time with you just to unwind and talk about everything ranging from your latest shopping rendezvous to stuff about God. i like listening to you talk. i like how we sit at weird places, quiet and touching noses. i like how we’re polar opposites, how the scales hardly tip because we fit so well in this balancing act. i like holding your hands, because they are not rough and uncouth, but just the right size. i like having supper with you, because we order the same food and understand each other. i like sky-watching with you and discussing geography, politics and the stupidity of mankind. i like how expression comes seemingly so easy to you, as opposed to my perpetually awkward fumbling for words. above all, i like you for everything you are, are not, will be, and never will be. i like you in a way i like no one else, and have never liked anyone else, and will never like anyone else.

(exhale)

-

so you see, nothing much has changed. for a more accurate version though, just replace all of the L words with 'love'.

happy special day, my favourite weirdo!

you're my lobster

haha i used up one pen in four days!

i am so screwed up.

0441

(deliverer)

He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?"

Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.

matthew 8:26

double sigh

shit its 3.10.

i still have to cover:

1. THE WHOLE OF UN

2. growth of GE and the Crisis Decades

and i just had a macspicy meal (fatfatfat)

and i am sleepy

and my blogskin is a bit bimbotic

which is totally unlike me (you need boobs to be a bimbo)

cus i havent had a proper skin in ages

and the person who designed it is a twit cos the header was some lyrics from BLG's thunder..... when the background is evidently lightning bolts (surprise!)

so i refuse to credit the person

plus i edited the template from cute-ugly to cute-nice.

and oh,

yee helped me do up the previous one. 

thank you love!

it is also rachel's birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHEL!

(check your mail)

me getting pre-exam jitters.

me sound stupid ):

OMGAH

just realised.

i wont be in sg when jl enlists......

and will be missing youth camp.

dangz!

timecheck: 3.24am

time left until hotcakes breakfast: 36minutes

time left until 8: .......... ok never mind i cant count. 

hello china economic miracle.

"screw the As and be an artist!"

hell yeah.

doom

i am losing it.

i am obsessed with pen ink levels.

today i ran out of paper. 

so i went to buy some and found out (only after buying, duh.) that the paper was not a4 size.

awesome possum.

and then.

i took friskie for a walk.

without his leash -.-

(oh yes i forgot)

ok imagine this:

psycho bunny-lookalike furball terrorising people at the park.

i admit that much pleasure was derived from watching them scream. 

he is a TOY DOG for crying out loud.

as harmless as a.....bunny.

with the appearances of it too!

pathetic dog-hating freaks.

i ought to insert a picture of jl bonding with friskie

if i can find the wire...........

i can't.

everything everything will be alright

So don't buy in.
Live right now.
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough (good enough)
For someone else.

Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out, (feel left out)
Or looked down on.
Just do your best, (just do your best)
Do everything you can. (do everything you can)
And don't you worry what their bitter hearts (bitter hearts)
Are gonna say.

z:
almost went to slp alr
z:
at around 11
d:
traitor! 
d:
you are thus banished from the kingdom of nocturnal people 
d:
to the far ends of pig land 
d:
it is perfectly ok if u dont wna be king here cos then i am the ultimate evil dictator(ess) of the coolest kingdom ever
z:
so long as u are the queen, i'll be the king anywhere
d:
this is no fairytale, people!
d:
this is war 
z:
who shall we wage war against
z:
to thy fats we fight!
d:
shucks if all our fats unite we sure die
z:
is that it
z:
is that it?
z:
is that what its called...
z:
armageddon!
z:
of fats

i keep playing word challenge. but keep losing ):

othello

Speak of me as I am. Nothing extenuate,

Nor set down aught in malice. Then must you speak

Of one that loved not wisely, but too well;

Of one not easily jealous, but, being wrought,

Perplexed in the extreme; of one whose hand,

Like the base Indian, threw a pearl away

Richer than all his tribe; of one whose subdued eyes,

Albeit unused to the melting mood,

Drops tears as fast as the Arabian trees

Their medicinal gum.

still groping for a cherished immortality, however minor, when absolute deathlessness is almost.... free.

it'll do.

die scum!

have i told you how much i love Global Economy?

no?

i LOVE Global Economy.

Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
You are amazing God